Regret

Our mistakes can often lead us to our worst nightmares, yet it can also lead us to the right path if we’re lucky enough to survive.

It haunts us, it lingers in our system and it makes us doubt ourselves of the change that we ought to achieve.

It breaks us, it destroys our faith, and it causes us sleepless nights as well as troubled mornings.

It stops us from looking ahead, from being excited of what the future has in store for us. It simply wants us to stay hidden, to continue hearing voices in our head and to completely keep us from forgiving ourselves for the faults we never thought we could leave behind.

When all you want to do is to wake up one morning feeling free, free from sadness, from guilt, from the voices and free from filth.

One whole day of no depression, one minute of no self pity, another second of no self torture. A lifetime of self forgiveness and an infinite moment of hope and happiness.

Is it even possible? To, you know, erase the vivid memory of the darkness a person has gone through?

I am not sure how a person survives such tragic wounds and still be able to face tomorrow with no regrets. How strong can a person be to overcome this chapter in his/her life? To whom can a person rely on to wash away the tears that were shed a million times over one hel* of a mistake that changed his/her life forever?

Me? I still hear voices from time to time, but not as often as it used to. The reason it suddenly fades away? It’s because I asked the Lord to forgive me and most importantly, I have learned to forgive myself even if it was the hardest thing to do.

Whenever I am being haunted by guilt, or whenever I am being forced to “un-forgive” myself, I simply remind myself this: “My Lord is bigger than my sin. The Lord has forgiven me, and I have forgiven myself. There is no greater love than the love of the Lord through His Son, Jesus Christ, Who saved me so that I may have life.”

Believe me or not, it works. The voices, the haunting, they disappear whenever I pray. It may not be the same as how you or the others cope, but somehow I am relieved that despite my ugly past, I am still loved by our Father in Heaven.

Though regrets can make you fall, please remember that you can always stand up again. You can show the world that a mistake does not define who you are as a person, it’s just a chapter in your life that taught you a lesson and has prepared you to be a better and stronger person that you are now/or going to be.

How about you? How do you cope? What was your biggest regret and how did it change your life today?